Life Goals 101
We should learn to analyze ourselves. If we really want to understand ourselves, we can analyze our personality by understanding our habit patterns.
We should simply try to be consciously aware of every action we perform and realize that our actions are virtually our thoughts. Without thought, there can be no action. Habit patterns and thoughts are revealed through behavior.
There is a branch of psychology called behaviorism that is based on this concept. But one should understand that external behavior alone cannot reveal everything about a person.
Laughter, for example, cannot be analyzed behaviourally. If I were to laugh, you might also laugh with me simply because I was laughing but without understanding why I was laughing. Your laughter is out of sheer reaction. Then you might laugh a second time, this time at yourself because you did not understand why you were laughing and yet you laughed. You might also laugh a third time because you finally understand what I was laughing at and you now also find it funny. All three times your laughter might seem the same to others, but each time it had a different motivation.
So internal states cannot be understood through behavior analysis alone.
Only a small part of oneself and others can be understood through observing behavior. But knowing our habit patterns can help us to analyze and understand our personality.
What is personality? The word “personality” comes from the root persona, which means “mask.” Our personality is a mask that we wear. We don’t have to wear a mask when we are by ourselves; we wear a mask to express ourselves to others. Our personality is a character, and that character is composed of certain habits.
Each of us has numerous habits; so when we want to understand our personality, we should understand our habit patterns. A habit pattern is a conscious thought or action that one repeats again and again. This creates a groove in the unconscious mind and forms an unconscious habit. Unconscious habits are stronger than conscious habits. All habit patterns are self-created. When we sit down and try to understand which of our habits control our life, we see that there are many deep-rooted habits within us.
We should learn to study them. Once we become aware of harmful thoughts and emotions that have created deep grooves in the mind, we can begin to change them by creating new grooves. Then the mind will stop flowing to the old grooves and start flowing to the new ones. In this way, we can change our habits.
You should also learn to execute your intentions. For instance, many people have very good intentions to do something nice for their neighbors, and they think about it all the time, but then those thoughts are never executed, they are never allowed to become actions. We have many thoughts that have never been executed, and that is why we are miserable.
If we learn to select those thoughts that are helpful and then allow ourselves to execute them, that brings fulfillment, and life will be happy. We create misery for ourselves when we do not bring our good thoughts into action. One of the French writers has explained this concept beautifully: “All good thoughts that are not brought into action are either treachery or abortion.”
Good thoughts are those that help others and that helps us also.
Bad thoughts are those that obstruct our progress and create barriers for others.
Deep-seated habits can keep you from doing that which you know would be good for you to do. You become helpless because of the obsessions and addictions that are caused by your habits.
You may continue in a habit that you know is not good — that is neither
healthy nor helpful and that should not be done — because the habit has become so deep-rooted that you are powerless to change your behavior. Society does not help you change your bad habits, and there are very few places where you can get help.
Many people who are in the penitentiary know that what they have done is a crime, but the force of habit led them to act improperly. Their faculty of discrimination within functions — they understand what is right and what is not right — but their deep-seated habits have motivated them to do something that is not good, that is not acceptable. Actually, no one should be considered either a good person or a bad person. In traditional English law, when someone was punished, he was told, “We are not punishing you for yourself. We are punishing you for your bad habits.”
Most people think that it is not possible to love someone without attachment. But perhaps the word attachment is not understood. Love is different from attachment. In love we give — we do our duties lovingly — and that is entirely different from attachment. Attachment is unauthorized. In an attachment, we become blindfolded and selfish. In an attachment, we expect all the time and we are never fulfilled, and thus we become miserable.
There is not one single thing that we can say is really ours. We can have things — and we should learn to look after them properly — but we should not try to possess them. In attachment people are afraid. “This is mine. What will happen to me if it dies? What will happen to me if it is destroyed?” People remain constantly under the pressure of the fear of losing what they have or of not gaining what they want. The whole problem of fear arises from these two sources.
Most people are not aware that they are on a voyage. They are in the habit of collecting useless garbage, and it creates problems for them. People should learn to understand that needs and necessities are different from wants and desires.
If we need something, we should have it, but we should not uselessly want to have unnecessary things. In studying the lives of great people, we find they share one trait that has made them successful: they do not take what they do not need.
Once when Buddha was going as usual from door to door with his begging bowl to beg for alms, housewife shouted at him, “You idiot! You are so healthy, so strong, and so handsome. You were a prince! Why did you renounce your home and start troubling us? Every day you come with your begging bowl. It has become too much for us.” She was very angry because the whole city was full of renunciates, and there were very few householders; it was a problem for the householders to feed all the monks. She became so angry that she picked up some filth and tried to give it to him.
He smiled and said, “Mother, I don’t need it.” He started to go on his way, but one of his disciples got angry and told the woman, “I am going to kill you for behaving like this with my Lord!” Buddha turned back to him and said, “You are not my disciple. You have not learned anything from me. If somebody wants to give you something undesirable, don’t take it. If somebody says you are bad, don’t accept such a negative suggestion.” We should learn to understand this point, and then we can go through the process of life unaffected.But instead of remaining unaffected, people allow their cultural values to make them dependent on external suggestions. We are blasted by suggestions all the time, and the power of suggestion is immense. If ten people say that we look ill, then we begin to feel sick. If someone says “You ugly person,” then your whole day is ruined. But if someone says “Oh, you look beautiful then you say “You have made my day.” You are already beautiful, but if nobody appreciates you, you don’t believe in your beauty. You should learn to appreciate and admire yourself; you should learn to understand and come in touch with that beauty that is within you all the time. You are already beautiful just as you are! You do not need others to tell you are beautiful.
You should not become dependent on others’ opinions; you should not try to know yourself through others.
There is a very dangerous characteristic in this culture: people make themselves dependent on each other.
People live on suggestions; they are swayed by whatever anyone says. People are in the habit of always wanting and expecting attention from others, and this is very dangerous because then life becomes totally dependent on others. This is the worst trait I have seen in Western culture. Wives nag their husbands and husbands criticize their wives because they expect too much from each other. When people become dependent on their relationships, when they expect too much from their relationships, then they are bound to suffer.
When a girl goes to school, the thought that constantly lives in her mind is that she will meet a good boy, get married, and be happy. But there is no Bible in the world that says marriage will make someone happy. Marriage does not make anyone happy; it is only a means for happiness in life, and if this is understood, then it is very good.
But if one expects too much and thinks that marriage is the answer to all the vital questions of life, then that person will find only disappointment. People grow up with unreal expectations about marriage, and the philosophy of marriage is not taught. What is the purpose of marriage? What is the philosophy of remaining single? If a single person does not know how to use his time positively, and if he has no personal philosophy of life, then he becomes perverted. Those who are unmarried are not happy, and those who are married are also not happy. Marriage is like a fortress: those who are inside cannot come out, and those who are outside are rushing to get in. So I have not seen anyone who is happy. This does not mean that people should not get married; the institution of marriage is very necessary. If it crumbles, all of society will crumble. This is a great discipline for human society.
CaptainWB
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